Heartache

Much heartache the past couple of days.  I'm sleeping better, but I have a ritual to go through in order to get there.  I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love before I go to sleep and focus on the story when I close my eyes.  During the day, I am reading The Gift of Betrayal...that's too intense for me to read before I go to sleep.  
More drama has entered my life.  Just when you think it can't get any worse...I find out my husband has been having an affair with someone else (let's call her MM for Married Mistress) for the past year.  He left her too for this new woman (let's call her DM for Divorced Mistress).  MM is married too and carried on an affair with my husband for over a year.  She left a note on my car to contact her if I wanted.  I guess HE left her without an explanation as well.  DM is the real explanation of course.  MM's reasoning for being ok with sleeping with a married man was, of course, that my poor husband was living with me as a roommate, and only staying until some of the finances were figured out.  I'm a monster who withheld sex, dislike my children, and a little bit crazy.  All untrue, of course, except the little bit crazy part which I now no longer believe that I am.  I met with MM and we talked for over 3 hours.  I was glad to have met her.  2 weeks ago, and I am still in shock.  It helped me to realize that I haven't been crazy all these years.  He made me feel like I was crazy, and I started to believe it.  I've always thought he may be a sex addict.  I always thought he didn't love me.  I always thought he didn't love our children.  I always thought he had a gambling problem.  ALL TRUE.  The more I have read to get through this fucking pain, the more I am convinced that he is a sociopath.  He told MM that he went to college...He never finished high school.  He told her we didn't have any more children because I never wanted the 2 we have...those must be his feelings.  He gambled right in front of her.  I believe if MM and I compared phone records, we would see that he was sending us both pictures of his penis at the same...probably to see who would respond the way he wanted.  My response was go to hell of course.  He told her in May 2012 that we hadn't been intimate for over a year...I didn't stop sleeping with him until March 28, 2013.  The longest we ever went without sex was never more than 3 months.  I ended intimacy when it started hurting me so much emotionally that I just couldn't anymore.  He told MM so many other ridiculous lies they aren't even worth mentioning from my family, to his family, etc.  He also started drinking the past few months...He doesn't drink to my knowledge.  So, my worst fear came true:  to live with someone for so long (17 years) and not know who the fuck they are.
At least now I know how DM fell for him...pity.  Oh, you poor underappreciated man.  Watch out DM:  He is a sociopath and not capable of loving anyone...not even you. 
Why does my heart hurt so bad today?  My head is filled with information to help me move on and realize there is happiness in my future, but my heart is aching.  Head and heart don't match.  I need them to match.  I can't concentrate on anything.  I haven't gone to work in weeks.  All I can manage right now is taking care of my girls.  Me not going to work though has to stop.  I have tried to get some therapy.  I don't have insurance, so they have me jumping through hoops to just talk to someone.  It is very frustrating.  I really need help.  I am trying everything on my own, but I just can't focus.  This pain in my heart and pit in my stomach are driving me insane.